Corky Finds the Mad Theologian's HQ

For some reason, Mike's headquarters was off the radar.

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A Letter From Dr. Foreman Chrysler

Dear Eddie,
I wanted you and your readers to know that I am coming out with a book entitled, "Death Row and Free Will". In this volume you will find my firm belief that free will is  more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings at a single bound, and if you look up in the sky, you may find yourself saying, "It's Super-Will"!
Let me explain. I believe that we are made in the likeness of God and so we have a free will. Which means we can freely choose good or evil. Just like...well come to think about it, God doesn't have a will like that. He can only choose good. Forget that last part and just accept the fact that it is BIBLICAL! ...okay, it's not actually mentioned in Scripture that way...okay, forget that part! Here's an illustration I once heard from a mysterious deacon who came to our church and never returned. (He may have been an angel for all we know):

Billy Barty is a man on death row. He is evil through and through. Hates everything and everybody! He will be executed at midnight. He is alone in his cell and can hear sixteen or seventeen prisoners playing their harmonicas. He has eaten his last meal, a Happy Meal with extra fries and a toy figure of Johnny Appleseed.
He has but thirteen minutes before he walks his last steps to the gas chamber and electric chair where he will get a lethal injection before they hang him. He starts to think about what Nipsy Russell once said. "Billy, why not turn your life around right now, before you are executed by the state!" Nipsy said that no more than five minutes ago, so it's still fresh in his mind.
Billy refuses to repent and is executed.
Billy opens his eyes and sees a light. He follows that light for half a mile or so. Then he hears a voice from above..."Billy Barty, use your free will to set yourself free! You can do it! It's the only chance you have...murderer."
Billy agrees and is now happy as a animated hamster in a plastic tunnel. His free will made him choose the right path.

Of course, in my book, I go into depth. But I think you will see my side is the best side, because I have built such a strong case. The book, which is bound to be a best seller, is published by Raca Publications and goes on sale in May.
Yours freely,
Dr. Foreman Chrysler

Dear Dr. Chrysler,
The only strong case you ever built was a mahogany book shelf. You should stick to making book cases and chairs.
Eddie

Little Known Quotes from Spiritual Giants part 2

"Please shut the door on your way out!" - C. H. Spurgeon


"What smells in here?!" - John Owen


"I yam what I yam and that's all that I yam!" - John Calvin


"Could I borrow your lawnmower?" - Cornelius Van Til


"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to yoooou" - A. A. Hodge


"You mispronounced my name again!" - Augustine


"I think I have a little bit of a fever..." - B. B. Warfield


"Let's see...The Chronicles of Nubia...no, Nagasaki...no, Neiman's..." - C. S. Lewis


"Oh no! I just lost another tooth!" - Thomas Boston


"No more buffets for me thank you." - R. C. Sproul


"I wish I could play the banjo!" - William Carey


"Anyone want some green eggs and ham?" - A. W. Pink


"Here I stand...just don't push my buttons Pope dopes!" - Martin Luther


"Anyone got some jerky?" - Jonathan Edwards


"I'm gettin' me a dog!" - George Whitefield


"See if R.C. wants to go to Wendy's for lunch tomorrow." - John MacArthur

Guns N Tulips

Trivia Time part 3

Other than man, the elk is the only animal that celebrates birthdays.

The most frequently used word by evangelicals in the English language is "biscuit."

Gary Busey, the actor who has won more Academy Awards than any other, will play John Owen in an off-Broadway play next summer entitled, "Well, I'll be Mortified!"

Dave Hunt's great grandpappy drew up plans for the first novelty set of chattering teeth.

Every Tuesday has been sloppy joe night at the White House for the last 200 years.

Francis Schaeffer is the only theologian to have walked on the moon.

Thomas Watson is thought to be the first to use the phrase "a bad case of the Mondays".

Rhode Island is the only state without an active volcano.