Forgotten Cults #4

Jack Benard Nimble

This former stuntman for Joey Bishop formed "The One-Eyed Jacks" Cult after he fell on his head during the filming of "The Joe Besser Story". His group was comprised of men with only one eye who were named "Jack". There were 5 Caucasians named Jack (including himself), 3 Filipinos named Jack, 2 Vulcans named Jack and 1 Black Jack. 

Their church was built in Las Vegas, eleven miles west of the Dipsy Doodle Theological Seminary and Ice Cream Stand. 

Imaginary funerals were held each Sunday for Silent Film Stars, Jack Hoxie and Jack Pickford.

Here are a few of his doctrinal beliefs:

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  Board games are of the Devil and should be ripped apart and soaked in Palmolive.
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  Computer games are of the Devil and should be smashed with a sacred hammer.
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  "Holy Shuffling" is the practice of throwing a deck of cards in the air, picking up only the cards landing face up and setting the rest on fire as a burnt offering.
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  Hell, according to Nimble, was a place of cement, not torment.
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  He taught that Heaven was a neon city with free pretzels and onion rings.
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  Jack B. Nimble also taught that a movie star would rise in the east and travel to the west.

Mr. Nimble was struck by lightning while preaching to a group of film buffs at the grand opening of "Jack the Ripper" starring Jack Palance.

His "church" is now a half-way house for people convicted of illegal parking.