Customized Gospels of John

The above Gospel of John magazine is real and targeted at a specific demographic. What if some organization decided to publish and promote very specialized Gospels for very particular groups?

Here are a few I came up with:

The Gospel of John for people of have some kind of heat rash.
The Gospel of John for those people who are lactate intolerant.
The Gospel of John for people with sinus problems.
The Gospel of John for people who dislike Home Owners Associations.
The Gospel of John for people whose stomach is starting to make noise.
The Gospel of John for those who were granted a stay of execution.
The Gospel of John for those who have an E string missing on their guitar.
The Gospel of John for those with two lug nuts missing on their front right tire.
The Gospel of John for who are lingering near the monkey cage at the zoo.
The Gospel of John for people with ugly pets.
The Gospel of John for people who used to be meteorologists.
The Gospel of John for people who failed to yield the right of way.
...for people who mow their grass way too early in the morning.
...for people who look like Moe of the Three Stooges.
...for those who have tattoos of vegetables on their ankles.
...for people who are late this month paying their electric bill.
...for people who have sneezed on a Betty Boop snow globe.

See if your brain can think of some other people or groups I might have passed over.

btw...I plan on creating some Photoshop versions of these (yours included) in future posts. So the more I have to choose from the better. (...and, of course, full credit for the idea will go to the author of the customized Gospels.)