Just for Laughs #209

The Amish need captions too

Arminian Antics #88

The Neo-Amish

Dear Eddie,

We are the Neo-Amish. We have broken away from the old school of Amishness and have changed a few things to better our future. We use computers, but they are powered by kerosene. We wear our own style of clothes, shoes and hats. We have kept the traditional suspenders for religious reasons.

We are a sub group of the Anabaptists with a slight twist - we will punch your lights out if ye spit at us or hit us with something made of aluminum. Our belief in separation from the world is modified a little. We now can use a taxi if it's raining. The Neo-Amish believe ye can have bean bags as furniture, if the beans inside are home grown. We use musical instruments in our worship and we use muted musical instruments during prayer. The Neo-Amish women not only make quilts and dolls, they make beach towels and ant farms as well.

We want to invite ye and ye're members to come and dine with us this Christmas day if ye aren't doing anything. If anyone does show up, please bring more kerosene so we can maintain our new blog, "Neo-Amish in the House".

Thank ye and may God bless ye, brother Ed.

Your friend,

Moses Bling

An Open Letter to My Amish Friends

I've noticed that no Amish people write in and comment. What's up with that?! If I have offended the Amish community with my humor, I apologise. In fact, if an Amish leader will just email me, I will help with a barn raising come September of next year! More than that, I will donate twenty five Wii game systems and a used ipod to the first Amish village that becomes followers of Calvinistic Cartoons. I hope you all have a great day and a fabulous Menno-nite!