Logic and Humor Combo

This email came from my sister, Sandy, in Houston. I had to share it with you.


TO WHOM DOES THE LAND OF ISRAEL BELONG??

An Israeli Sense of Humor at United Nations set the record straight.

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, "What a good opportunity to have a bath!"
Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them!
The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there then."
The Israeli representative smiled and said, "And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech."

Arminian Antics #38

Coming Soon! Open Mic Night

Ever since I started this blog I have had jokes and ideas sent my way. It was sort of awkward for me to turn someone down because it wasn't a perfect fit. Often I would suggest they start their own blog. (Actually Phil Johnson suggested that to me - again, Thanks Phil - I'm glad I took your advice!)

So now, I think I have come up with an idea that will satisfy everyone!

Open Mic Night at Calvinistic Cartoons

This will be an occasional feature where I don't have to do anything but post the photo (as is) and joke (as is). The "comic" will be introduced so please send a brief, funny bio along with your photo (HAS to be at least, a medium size JPEG) and the caption or dialog in the email. Keep the jokes theological. That means you can joke about denominations, Arminians, Calvinists, Atheists, Cults or Evolutionists. Just keep it clean (photos and jokes). I will let the comic know when "he is on" by email. Please, not only invite your friends, but ask them to become a follower of this humor blog. It's free! Costs them nothing!...and besides, my goal for 2011 is to have seven hundred million loyal fans...or semi-loyal fans, either way.

My email address is printed on the bottom of the poster. It's real. No joke.

Announcement!

The Calvinistic Comedy Club will have it's first Open Mic Night on Friday, October 8, 2010. I will pick 5 (the number of Grace) of the best comics to stand and do their best to make you laugh or bring a smile to that tired old face of yours. It may even help you sleep better. Whether yours is picked or not doesn't matter. Every joke I can use will stay in the Vault of Mirth until next time. This will be a continuing series. (until it is stops) So send in your photo (medium JPEG) send in your caption (Theological content) and send in a short and humorous bio ('cause I be the MC - and that will help me with your intro)

So instead of inviting just the people you know, why not get out the white pages and start calling every single person in your city. We have room for everyone! And you can bring all the food and non-alcoholic beverages you want! Oh yeah, and please be kind to the comedians, they need a little applause at the end of their acts. Thank you and see you at the Calvinistic Comedy Club, downtown Blogger City. Corky will open with his "Ballad of Romans 9". See ya there!



Fan Scan from Mortimer Kavooley

Dear Eddie,

I found this old comic in the attic today. I used to hand these out to my troubled friends when I was in college. I am a big fan of the Sacred Sandwich and I noticed the name Coddington Borax on the cover. These stories were all based on true events! The only reason I am writing you instead of Angus is because I know you give out thousands of dollars for things like this...and I need a lot of money so I can retire early.

Your semi-fan,

Mort

Dear Mort,

Thank you for the attachment on your email. I am sending you a blank check. That's right my friend, it is totally blank. There is not one letter or mark on the entire little rectangular sheet of paper. Completely blank. Have a great day!

(To the readers: This may seem a little harsh to some of you but, I frequently get emails from this individual. He uses different names but, they all come from Arkham Asylum.

The man is completely insane.)

Dear Eddie,

I heard that!

Mort

Dear Mort,

And because you heard that, I will be sending you yet another totally blank check for you to fill out at your convenience!

Eddie

Dear Eddie,

Thanks dude.

An Open Letter to My Amish Friends

I've noticed that no Amish people write in and comment. What's up with that?! If I have offended the Amish community with my humor, I apologise. In fact, if an Amish leader will just email me, I will help with a barn raising come September of next year! More than that, I will donate twenty five Wii game systems and a used ipod to the first Amish village that becomes followers of Calvinistic Cartoons. I hope you all have a great day and a fabulous Menno-nite!

Q&A #2

First of all, let me say that Q&A is a series of questions from readers all over the globe who want answers. These queries come to me from email and envelope. Yesterday, after the posting from a brother in New York, I was flooded with two more letters. Both had the same question and the same return address. Since they are identical I will post only one. And let me just mention at the outset, that THERE ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS. Please remember that. I want everyone to feel that they can ask anything related to Scripture without fear of looking foolish. Thank you.
This question is from Toby and Moby Fernwallet of Blindbug, Maryland. They write:

Dear Eddie,
Is Scientology a cult?
Toby and Moby

Dear Toby and Moby,
That is one of the dumbest questions I have ever heard. Look in any Christian book that lists the cults and, "wah-la" it's right there inside! Don't you ever go to the Christian bookstore?
Every cult has:

Christ-demeaning
Un-Biblical
Loony
Theology

...and Scientology certainly fits into that category!

Scientology
Cultivates
Insane
Egotism,
Non-Biblical
Theology,
Odd
Legends,
Ontologically
Goofy
Yarns!

Thanks for your letters.
Eddie