Caption Contest #14

Congratulations Let Us Repent and Believe!
(if that's your real name!)

Here is your opportunity to bring some laughter ("good medicine") to some weary saints. Study the picture above and come up with something that is befitting Calvinistic Cartoons. In other words, something with a theological bent and funny. (although, most would argue if it's befitting Calvinistic Cartoons it must be "corny" or "punny") Whatever you do, keep in mind that whether you win or not, your joke will be appreciated by at least seventeen viewers. I know I always enjoy the entries. The winner will be announced on May 27th.

Coffee House #5

This episode of Coffee House Confidential is brought to you by
Chic & Gumbo Coffee Creamer,

the coffee creamer that tastes just like coffee!

This week takes me to "The Same Ol' Grind", a coffee shop located in Beanbag, Colorado. I had my mini-recorder microphone hidden at a table where two Christians were conversing.

Ray: Our church attendance has increased exponentially since our pastor started preaching from the local TV guide!

Ben: This is a joke...right?

Ray: No! I'm dead serious! Last Sunday he preached a sermon based on "Lost". I think he called it "The Gospel According To John Locke". You should have heard his series on "The Fringe"! It was powerful!

Ben: What about the Bible? Don't you think that would be a better source for truth?

Ray: Hold on Ben...don't get all "fundy" on me. He uses the Bible! It's just that since pastor Nick is basically an evangelist at heart, he will use any and everything to win the lost. Just like Paul. He brings out the redemptive truth that is hidden in every TV show listed.

Ben: Sounds like he feeds the goats more than the sheep!

Ray: So...what's wrong with that?

Ben: Jesus said "feed my sheep"! He didn't say "feed the goats"!

Ray: Pastor Nick said if Paul lived in this century he would use the most popular medium to communicate the Good News! ...namely, capital T capital V.

Ben: It obvious he doesn't know Paul! Paul Shaffer maybe...but not the Apostle Paul.

Ray: You're much too critical, Ben. Pastor Nick is the most creative pastor I have ever listened to. His sermon on "The Twilight Zone" changed my life!

Ben: Let me ask you a question. When you leave church, do you think, "What a creative sermon that was!" or do you think, "What a great God and Savior we serve!"

Ray: Well, I can see through your trick questions! I'll be honest...I usually can't wait to see what he will do next! I mean, there is excitement in our congregation! Our bulletins even have a TV Guide Crossword Puzzle...we call them "Word Cross Puzzles"...get it? And he is working on a new TV Guide Study Bible that will premiere the day of the final episode of "Prison Break". His new book, "Stay Tuned", will be out around Christmas. If I give you a copy, will you read it?

Ben: Sure...if you'll read a book I have for you.

Ray: It's a deal! What is the book?

Ben: "Tell the Truth" by Will Metzger.

Ray: Was he on "Boston Legal"?

After You Die

This will be the last song I post here for a long while.
It is the first song I wrote after the Lord saved me.
It's entitled, "After You Die".

Where will you be after you die?

What will you see after you die?
The rich man found himself in Hell
Lazarus was doing well

What will you hear after you die?
What will you fear after you die?
God can make you fully whole
He can save your eternal soul

Sin has a price, it has to be paid
That's why Jesus Christ, gave His life that day

What will you say after you die?
You'll have to pay after you die
God's Word is beckoning to you
Don't wind up with that rich fool

What will you feel after you die?
You'll have to kneel after you die
Life and death are not a game
Every tongue shall confess His name

Sin has a price, it has to be paid
That's why Jesus Christ gave His life that day (2x)

There's a Name

Everything will be back to "normal" when I return home. As for now, please accept these songs I wrote as you would a subtitute teacher or a visiting preacher at the pulpit. Thanks...and we still could use your prayers!

THERE'S A NAME

There's a Name, above all names

The same Name, that sets my soul aflame
He's the One, God's only Son

Every knee shall bow every tongue shall confess His name

The Christ of Revelation is the Rock of my salvation

and with no exaggeration I'll say

Because I was elected, I'll never be rejected

He made my will to want to one day

In His predestination is all Heaven's population

By His holy invitation to go

Whom He calls He justifies
Turns around and glorifies

He has paid for every sin-debt we owe

There's a Man, above all men

The God-Man, Who made it all begin

He's the One, God's only Son

Every knee shall bow every tongue shall confess His name

A Simple Song of Jesus

I wrote this song to the tune of "A Simple Song of Freedom"
recorded many years ago by Bobby Darin.

Come and sing a simple song of Jesus
Sing it like you never sung before
Let it fill the air, tell the people everywhere
We the people here believe the Lord.

Mr. and Mrs. Christian are you listening?
Don't live like you've never known the Lord
Let the people see that you walk in victory
The joy of your salvation He'll restore.

Mr. Unbeliever are you ready?
You'll be all alone on judgment day
When God calls your name, you'll know you are to blame
For every single sin you'll have to pay

Hey there, Mr. Sinner can you hear me?
Give your life to Him who is the Way
Then you'll surely see, that this Man of Galilee
Will never leave you or cast you away.

Brother and sister are you listening?
There's a plan that you cannot ignore
It is God's design that you let you light so shine
By living out what's written in God's Word.

Come and sing a simple song of Jesus
Sing it like you never sung before
Let it fill the air, tell the people everywhere
We the people here believe the Lord.

He's Mighty

Here is another song I wrote. This was written a few years after God graciously opened my eyes to His sovereign grace. Most of my songs had a strong rock beat to them. Since you don't know how it sounds, take my word, it had a melody as well.

This one is entitled, "He's Mighty"

He's the Soveriegn Savior of the whole universe

He's searchin' for His people who are under the curse

He'll save 'em, He'll keep 'em, He'll bring 'em on home

Smack dab into Heaven singin' 'round His holy throne

(chorus):

He's mighty - He's mighty - He's mighty

Mum mum mum mighty

One day a dead man was lyin' in a grave

Bad to the bone, stinkin' up the cave

Jesus came by and called out his name

And I'm here to tell you that I've never been the same 'cause

(chorus)

Three crosses on the hill in the heat of the day

One man turned to Jesus, the other turned away

Look at the center cross, bring it into view

Ask yourself this question: On which side are you?

(chorus)

Well He walked on the water, made the blind to see

Cast out many demons when He went to Galilee

Jesus is the answer, He's the One who should be seen

He's the Alpha and Omega and all letters in between

(chorus 3x)

Travelin' Time

This is just to let everyone know that this next week will be a little different at Calvinistic Cartoons. I have no access to my Photoshop and I will be winging it the next six or seven days. My wife and I packed up and left for Durango, Colorado yesterday. (15 hours on the road) Our daughter is having her second child. I am typing this as my wife is getting ready to leave for the hospital. We will be here helping out for a week or so. Pray for us and for our seventh...yes, seventh grandchild.