The Velveeta Enigma

Creativity, brevity and impact were the key elements in choosing the winner.

Brad Raybury now has an asteroid in the Pinwheel Galaxy named after him!

Everyone else now has half an asteroid named after them from the Howdy Doody Galaxy!

Thanks for playing! To read the other exciting stories click here!

Short Story Challenge for Writers

I need a short short story, prose or poem using this illustration as the subject. Yes, that is me behind the helmet and Corky Velveeta in the landscape (...or is it?). The story chosen will be written in the white space within the illustration. The black space will hold the title and author's name. I can increase the white space for the copy but don't make it too long. Creativity, brevity and impact are the key ingredients. The winning story will be published separately on May 30, 2012. Thanks everyone, and have fun!

The winner will have an asteroid in the Pinwheel Galaxy named after them!

The runners up will have half an asteroid named after them from the Howdy Doody Galaxy!

The absolute worst story (which we will never mention) will have a cubic inch of space given to them from the Garbage Dump Galaxy in sector 873!

And the Winner is...

On April 30th, 2012, we ran the Arminian Connection Contest and had no takers and hence, no winners. Today, we are having no contest at all...and the winner is...Judson T. Sebago of Pioche, Nevada. Congratulations, Jud! You have just won all the items pictured above! They will be delivered to your doorstep within 3 working days! Enjoy!

Find the Easter Eggs Contest

Easter eggs are things that aren't in the original picture. They are carefully, or not so carefully, hidden right before your eyes. How many "eggs" are there in this photo? I'm not tellin'. As a bonus question, tell me from what movie this scene came from. Of course, as always, enlarging the picture will help a lot. Oh yeah, the first to get all the "eggs" wins a free Starbucks cup of coffee (your choice) at any Kuwait Starbucks at the Avenues Mall in Kuwait. The Avenues has eight Starbucks so far. All you have to do is fly here and collect your prize! It's just that simple!

Special Surprise Winners

This contest was for the Calvinistic Cartoons follower who has the most children. Lo and behold, our research team found two mothers who tied for first place. Congratulations to Lily Pondue and Mia Tobogen, who each gave birth to sixteen kids! You both have won two thousand books of your choice. The catalog should be on your doorstep after you read this post. Just check off the books you want and within a week every single volume will be "delivered" to your home! Thanks for playing! 

Arminian Connection Contest

See if you can solve the mystery.

A history you probably weren't aware of...

even if you were a full-blown Arminian.

There is an Arminian connection...

the detection might change your complexion!

So dig a little deeper and you'll find

info that will blow your mind!
Who will be the first to solve this?

And the Winners are...

Congratulations go to Curtis Q. Plankton and Fritz McLean who have won Spurgeon's Commentary on the Book of Matthew! And it is autographed by C .H. Spurgeon! It's not the C. H. Spurgeon you are probably thinking of. It's Carmen Hattie Spurgeon, a waitress at Mimi's Cafe in Dimebox, Texas, who is not related to the Prince of Preachers at all. Still, it is C. H. Spurgeon - you can't deny that!

Winners Announced!

Yes, friends, it is so easy to win. Nothing to buy. Nothing to promote. You don't have to join my blog. You don't have to anything!

This month's winners are:

Uncle Jeppy Mayfly of Propane, Virginia.

He wins the complete collection of Spurgeon sermons!

The other complete set of John Owen goes to

Hattie Walkenstick of Dumas, Wisconsin!

Attempted and Tried

Don't just sit there - click on the pic!

This is me and Corky at the Kindle Book Fair in Moody River, Louisiana,
trying to win some Kindle books.

The number of cars you jump is the number of Kindle books you win...I got one and a half.

Winner of Car Giveaway!

Calvinistic Cartoons is pleased to announce that our Calvinistic "Car"tune Contest finally has a winner! It was Mrs. Lulee Josyln Carpathian of Potatohead, Mississippi. Pictured above is Mrs. Carpathian and her daughters, Flora and Fauna. The family shouted and cried when Corky Velveeta drove up and gave her the keys to her new car. This is what it's all about, people. Look for a new contest sometime in the future!

Book Giveaway Winners!

Well, well, we finally have our five winners!

I know you must be as excited as I am!

1. The Works of John Owen (16 volume set) goes to....Bernice Longstocking of Ludloe, Ohio

2. The Puritan Paperback Bundle (45 volumes) goes to....Tippi McLayman of Broken Bridge, Montana

3. Romans (14 volume set) by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones goes to....Cha Cha Phelps of Ballyhoo, Idaho

4. The entire set of sermons by Charles Haddon Spurgeon (64 volumes) goes to....Leroy Vermin of Moldiebred, Wisconsin

5. Clean Jokes by Bob Phillips (192 pages) goes to....Kelby Fontaine of Coffeepot, Nebraska

Thanks for entering the contest everyone! Watch for the next big giveaway!

You too could win!

First Winner of 2012

Announcing the first winner of the $7,000 prize money for telling Corky,

"Cotton Adams was a Calvinist".

This gentleman, a Mr. Pablo Runyon or New Jersey, is seen here running away with his winnings. This 92 year old Amway salesman told reporters that he plans on visiting a few of the Calvinistic Cartoons readers this year. 

The What and Where Challenge

Click the pic

Tell me what city and what building

Your prize is hidden somewhere inside

This photo was sent to me by Che Che Vermin and I believe this is a Corky impersonator. He is much too small. (note the trash can on his right)

The Composite Calvinist Challenge

See if you can identify the 5 Calvinists used to make this picture.

(1) right eye (2) left eye (3) nose (4) mouth (5) body

...as the Arminian said to anger the Calvinist..."Good luck, you're going to need it!" 

click to enlarge

The Tongue Twister Challenge

Simple rule really...

Create a tongue twister.

Just keep it theological!

No Contest Contest

Okay, everybody! Here is the contest that is no contest. It has no rules, no challenges and no chicken. You can make up your own or copy off someone else. There are no boundaries unless they're invisible. I can delete really good comments for no reason. I have no rules either so I am not sure what my responsibilities are at this point. You have the right to ignore this or follow these steps: 

1. Comment by typing 

2. Comment by thinking 

C. Defy gravity or 

7. Look both ways before crossing the street. 

So now that you know of the non-rule non-contest contest - feel free to do whatever. The winner will not know if he or she wins, and $7,000 will be the grand prize for someone unannounced. Those are the non- rule rules. So before your creativity turns to mush, start at the top and work down or vice versa - Hey! Why not start in the middle and write in Arabic?

Your entries really don't have to make sense or even be "real" words. Use vowels or not. Do a math problem wrong. Write a song with no words or music. Be real! Have fun! Play safe! Don't commit a crime!

Comments don't necessarily have to be posted on this blog. You can post them on a bulletin board or even post on someone else's blog. Every comment wins $7,000...no, wait a sec, I changed my mind.  

Calendar and Song Please

Can you name the song that this photo represents?

Clues: It is both a song AND a movie.

The song was co-written by a "Duke" in 1932.

A "Count" recorded the song.

How Well Do You Know Christian History?

.

How well do you know Christian history...

and how well do you know Calvinistic Cartoons?

Who am I talking about?

Here are the CLUES:

My name is John

I have a brother named Charles

I am a principal figure in Christianity

Some consider my theology controversial

I am a preacher and a writer

My works are still published today

My last name has 6 letters

Only one guess per person...

This is NOT a "first person correct is the winner" contest

it is a "how well do you know your history" contest

so PLEASE everybody offer a guess. 

Win $50 - This is REAL!

 

I don't know how else to say this...THIS IS REAL! $50 to the first person who delivers the "Fantastic Four" from the Reformation Wall (see photo above) in

Geneva, Switzerland to my home in Salmiya, Kuwait. I will place two twenties and a crisp ten dollar bill in your hands myself! That's all there is to it!

Guess Who? #22

 

He had the mind of a Jefferson.

Who is he?