Wisdom from the Honeymooners

Ralph Kramden: Norton, I am now a member of the Second Free Will Baptist Church of New York City! And I am using my free will to inform you, that you too have the power of independent choice. Norton ol' pal, if you play your cards right, can become a Christian…at the drop of a hat! ANY old hat!
Ed Norton: Ralphy boy, I am now and always will be a five point Calvinist! YOU just THINK you have free will!
Ralph: Norton, you can't expect me to swallow all that doctrinal malarkey!
Norton: You obviously have learned to swallow everything else!
Ralph: From here on in, we are deadly enemies. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to have nothing to do with you. If you see me coming down the street, get on the other side.
Norton: When you come down the street, there AIN'T no other side!
Ralph: OUT! GET OUT NORTON BEFORE I DO SOMETHING I COULD SERVE TIME FOR!
Norton: Okay, okay…I'm leaving! But, it was something I was predestined to do. I leave you with this short poem:

Roses are red
Tulip stems are long
If I agreed with your theology
We'd BOTH be wrong!

Ralph: That's it, Norton! OUT!

Green Acres Wisdom

Oliver Douglas: Hi Sam, anything on sale today?

Sam Drucker: How 'bout a dehydrated chicken?

Oliver Douglas: A dehydrated chicken?

Sam Drucker: Yeah. Just add water and bones, and let it sit for a couple hours, and you might have your own reconstituted chicken.

Oliver Douglas: That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

Sam Drucker: You haven't heard about Open Theism then.

Mayberry Wisdom

Barney Fife: Well, today's eight-year-olds are tomorrow's teenagers. I say this calls for action and now. Nip it in the bud. First sign of youngsters going wrong, you've got to nip it in the bud.
Andy Taylor: I'm going to have a talk with them. What else do you want me to do?
Barney Fife: Well, don't just mollycoddle them.
Andy Taylor: I won't.
Barney Fife: Nip it. You go read any book you want on the subject of child discipline and you'll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping.
Andy Taylor: Okay, Barn...first thing tomorrow, I will talk to Phyllis Tickle's and Rob Bell's parents.

The Wisdom of Open Theism