Just for Laughs! #6

Here is a classic depiction of a classic moment

in classic Calvinistic history.

Create a classic caption then go drink a classic Coke.

...or a Diet (of Worms) Coke.

The King of Pop Rocks Passes

First we had the "King of Rock", Elvis, die back in 1977. Then, a few days ago the "King of Pop" passes away, and now Shelby Boysenberry, a Calvinist sewing machine repairman and self-proclaimed "King of Pop Rocks" dies of internal combustion. He was 63 years old and ate only Pop Rocks for the last twenty two years.

His autobiography was written six years ago, but because of his confusion, he wasn't even in it. The autobiography was the story of a car.

Shelby became a Calvinist after listening to R. C. Sproul speak at a Dairy Queen in Manitou Springs.

Mr. Boysenberry recorded an album of Pop Rock tunes but, the audio was too irritating to listen to since he refused to stop eating Pop Rocks as he sang.

He will be buried today at Moonchaka Pines Seminary.

R. C. Sproul will not be attending his funeral since he really didn't know him.

Elvis Christian Album Never Produced

Recently discovered in an empty pickle jar at Graceland's basement were a number of songs Elvis rewrote.

"He had intended to record another Christian album before he died", said Bebe Swanliver, a guide at the Graceland estate.

"We think this would have stopped his backsliding", Pastor Joe Bob Penman said as he wept and drank an entire two liter bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red.

Here is the list of songs he wanted on his Christian album entitled,

"No More Hellvis, Just Call Me Elvis":

You Ain't Nothin' But a Lost Dude

It's Now or Never, Heaven Can't Wait

Return You Sinner

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On (written specifically for the Shakers)

All Shook Up (written specifically for the Quakers)

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas (for coal miners)

In The Bible (and his momma cried)

That's When Your Dispensation Begins

Woncha Wear That Cross Around Your Neck

Amazing Grace (sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island theme song)

The Journal of Cotton Adams #13

July 2, 1739

Just rode into Skintag, Kentucky where I breakfasted with the senior minister, Mr. Loogy Raman, a pious and friendly man. At six in the evening I began preaching in the church and with uncommon liberty of spirit. My sermon was to a church filled with Calvinists and entitled, "We Calvinists".
My first point of the message was, "We Calvinists should be better witnesses" and from there I expounded on spreading, not only the Gospel, but the whole counsel of God.
After ten minutes, I went to my next point which was, "We Calvinists should be better worshippers", since we are more in a frame of mind to be humble at the Grace God richly bestowed.
I followed that with, "We Calvinists should be better servants", when a tiny man in a kilt and a set of bagpipes wrapped around his torso stood up and yelled,
"Yew dinnae huv to single us out laddie! Be ye wee or be ye leviathan…it's still th' responsibility of us ALL!"
And with that, he started playing his bagpipes as he walked out the church and into the dark forest.
I learned two things that day.
One, to chose my words carefully so as not to be misunderstood by anyone.
And two, bagpipes act as a protection. It scares any and every animal away so that one is able to safely arrive home.
I think it may work on wicked highwaymen as well.

A Letter from Richard Dawkins-Skeptic

Hi Eddie,

First, let me point out that I have a hyphenated name. "Dawkins-Skeptic", after my mother who married Ludloe T. Skeptic thirty some-odd years ago. (Fact is, every other year was odd, being numbered and all). I am not the infamous atheist. I work at Burger King.

Second, we met once in Wal-Mart in the light bulb section and you gave me your blog card.

Anyway, I am unabashedly, a fan of yours, and I, for one, and "Tea for Two", would like to know if you eat some kind of brain-food to help with your humor. If so, please let me know so I can avoid eating it.

A full-time 5-Pointer,

Richard Dawkins-Skeptic

Dear Richard,

How generous of you to admit that you are "unabashedly a fan."

The next time I run into you it will be my pleasure to give you a good bashing, once and for all.

I am a long-time dependent on unnatural foods, I naturally attribute to them my unnatural strength, unnaturally magnetic appeal and unnatural sense of humor.

I find it amusing that God predestined me to be an theist-turned atheist-turned agnostic-turned Christian/Arminian-turned Christian/Calvinist. Being a Calvinist, I actually have more freedom to enjoy the life God has granted me and humor is a big part of my being.

Thanks for writing.

Eddie

Just for Laughs! #5

Please remember to floss before writing captions or comments.

The funniest caption will get the most laughs.

And you, yes you who have never written,

go ahead and submit a line a two...

it's easy and it's fat free!

Just for Laughs! #4

If you stare at this photo for one hour then look at a white piece of paper you will see this image in a negative! But, no laughs.
If you provide a caption to go with it you will be sharing a laugh with people you have never met!
In Heaven, maybe they will recognize your name and thank you for bringing healing into their lives in a time when everything seemed to be crashing around them. Probably, not though. But, still, you are helping the body to release a large amount of endorphins...and that's good for the body as well as the soul!