The Cotton Adams Statue

Corky visits the Cotton Adams statue in Calico County. To read all about Cotton and his adventures just click on cotton adams in the labels section below. Then just keep scrolling down and follow the "older posts". It's Calvinistic history, I tells ya! 

Beware the Goober Twins

Bob and Rob Goober, members of the Arminian Church of Armenia, Texas, have decided to give Calvinistic Cartoons legend, Corky Velveeta, a bad name. They visit locations and "e-vandal-ize" public property. Last report we heard, some gentleman approached Rob and, thinking he was Corky, said "Cotton Adams was a Calvinist". Corky, in return, gives $7,000 to that person, but Rob grabbed the man's wallet and rolled down an embankment to an awaiting car driven by Bob Goober. If you spot these two evil twins please contact me so we can keep track of these two asinine Arminians.

Easter Morning Invitation

for the 2% who don't know - click on the picture to enlarge

First Winner of 2012

Announcing the first winner of the $7,000 prize money for telling Corky,

"Cotton Adams was a Calvinist".

This gentleman, a Mr. Pablo Runyon or New Jersey, is seen here running away with his winnings. This 92 year old Amway salesman told reporters that he plans on visiting a few of the Calvinistic Cartoons readers this year. 

Meet Tweed Adams - Descendant of Cotton Adams

Mr. Tweed Adams

Received this email today from a new fan of Calvinistic Cartoons...

Mr. Eddings,

I am a direct descendant of the famous Cotton Adams. There are a lot of parallels in our lives I wanted to share with your readers. I will also be requesting any royalties that might belong to me. 

1. Cotton Adams was a circuit rider....I used to work at Circuit City.

2. Cotton Adams had a horse....I have a hoarse throat.

3. Cotton Adams was short of stature....I am short on cash.

4. Cotton  Adams met John Chapman, other wise known as Johnny Appleseed....I bought some chapstick flavored like Apples.

5. Cotton Adams preached to a crowd of 1,000 one night in Memphis from a stagecoach....I was in a crowd of 1,000 one night in Memphis when a preacher fell off the stage.

6. Cotton Adams started churches in several states....I started to go to church in several states.

7. Cotton Adams memorized the New Testament....I once memorized the titles of the books of the New Testament.

8. Cotton Adams fasted every Friday....I eat fast food that's fried.

9. Cotton Adams read books by two candles, for extra light....I read books on my Kindle 2, which is extra light.

10. Cotton Adams died on "Calico" - his horse, while traveling to Sandy Ridge in the Spring. Thomas Sawyer recorded the story. (see Calvinistic Cartoons Tuesday, April 26, 2011 post)....I dyed my calico overcoat a sandy color on the first day of Spring. I was downloading the story of Tom Sawyer on my computer that day.

Your newest fan,

Tweed Adams

Corky's Place

Corky Velveeta is taking a few days off to chill in his new apartment. He will be flying to an undisclosed place on Friday, June 24, on a special assignment for Calvinistic Cartoons. I will be leaving for the U.S. on Monday, June 20 with my wife, daughter and grand-daughter, for a much needed vacation. Corky likes long flights...I dread them. He can store plenty of snacks and beverages in his grenade costume. If you recognize him at the airport terminal, don't forget to walk up to him and say, "Cotton Adams was a Calvinist". That phrase will win you a seven layer bundle of one thousand dollar bills. BCNU.

Cotton Adams - Home At Last

April 26, 1761

Pastor Finn,

Thank you for the kind words in your letter. Even though, we haven't seen each other in more'n fifteen years, I still feel the friendship and brotherly love from your pen.

You asked about the time I saw the famous circuit riding Calvinist, Cotton Adams.

I will never forget the day he rode into our town. It caused quite a stir among the townsfolk of Sandy Ridge. To this day, people jaw about the foggy, Sunday morning when Cotton Adams appeared on horseback. The bridge over Sims Creek looked as if a cloud just decided to lay down on the river. It almost seemed like he was coming from Heaven, the way the clouds covered his horse, Calico, up to his knees.

Cotton Adams was quite famous in these parts, and we were all expecting his arrival that morning. Mr. Adams was to preach in the new Sovereign Grace Church building. The pastor, George Truman, was an old friend of Cotton's. Fact is, the Church was started because of Mr. Adams' strong sermon series on Heaven and Hell. He was returning to bless us with his spiritual leadership and promised to help with the selection of deacons. 

I can understand why our pastor broke into uncontrollable tears and moaning when he went to help Cotton down from his horse that early morn. You see, Calico had brought into our town, the lifeless body of a man who had sacrificed his worldly treasures for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Cotton Adams must have gone to be with the Lord just hours before.

He had a well-worn hymnal in his hand, as was his habit of singing to the Lord as he traversed the acres of forests and farmlands between towns. He had hand-written one hymn that was found tucked in his saddle:

Depth of mercy, can there be

Mercy still reserved for me?
Can my God His wrath forbear?
Me, the chief of sinners, spare?
I have long withstood His grace,
Long provoked Him to His face;
Would not hearken to His calls:
Grieved Him by a thousand falls.

Chorus:
Depth of mercy, can there be
Mercy still reserved for me?
Bow Your ear, in mercy bow;
Pardon and accept me now.

There for me the Savior stands,
Shows His wounds and spreads His hands;
God is love, I know, I feel,
Jesus pleads, and loves me still.
Why to me this waste of love?
Ask my Advocate above.
See the cause in Jesus’ face,
Now before the throne of grace.

If I rightly read Your heart,
If You all compassion art,
Bow Your ear, in mercy bow;
Pardon and accept me now.
Now incline me to repent;
Let me now my fall lament:
Now my foul revolt deplore;
Weep, believe, and sin no more.

Cotton Adams, I only wish I could have heard your voice once more. Your singing alone, would bring conviction on the hurting souls who listened. Your presence seemed to be like one who had been with the angels of God. I know you are worshiping the living Savior, face to face now.

The township has decided to publish his journals and distribute them at cost. Preachers, of course, get a free copy to inspire your work in the Lord. My prayer is that they will bless many and remind all that our life is His and His alone!

Your friend,

Thomas Sawyer

Cotton Adams Comic Book

Eddie Wins Heisman Trophy

This prestigious trophy is usually awarded in early December to the outstanding player in collegiate football. Imagine my surprise when I was invited to a special banquet where they announced my name! Especially since I have never played football in my life! This "special edition" was given to me by the president of Cotton Adams Quip-Lash Neck Braces, "Junkyard" Cribbits, and Space Sports Museum of America president, "Hockypuck" McGraw. Both are readers of Calvinistic Cartoons although both have vowed never to join as a follower. I also received a check in the amount of $24.77 to be used to buy heartburn tablets.  I want to thank my fellow bloggers and, of course, all the loyal readers who bless me with their fequent visits to Calvinistic Cartoons. God bless you everyone! You're beautiful!

Calvinistic Square Dances

My very fave on this vinyl disk is "The Calvinist Promenade"

Corky Visits the Past

Corky Velveeta had been missing for almost two weeks and were starting to think the worse. Wouldn't you know, he traveled into the past to meet Abraham Lincoln. He always admired his style and purchased a time machine on e-bay. He told us that the man on Lincoln's right came up to him a few minutes after this photo was taken, and said, "Cotton Adams was a Calvinist" thus securing a hefty one thousand dollar check from a bank that doesn't exist yet. Corky said that he was surprised that Abe was reading a book entitled, "Our American Cousin" then threw it into the fire. "I have no time for this tripe right now, I'll just wait for the play to come out!"

Corky said he was only able to remain in the past for twenty minutes because of the cheap quality of the time machine he bought. Twenty minutes translated into twelve days in our time!

Glad you are safe. Now on with your travels!  

Corky at Trailer Park

Corky arrived safely at the Cotton Adams RV and Trailer Park Campgrounds in Woonsocket, South Dakota. This is the place where Cotton Adams discovered oil. Unfortunately, it was only cooking oil. His "Alphabet Game" began here and became the official game of Mudflap County.

Inspired by this famous Calvinist circuit rider, Corky decided to ride a horse to Mount Rushmore. That way he can "mount" and not "rush more". (bad pun I know, but somebody had to do it.)

The Journal of Cotton Adams #28

For your reading pleasure and demonstration of this technical marvel, I present the lastest edition of Cotton's Journal on the kindle2. It's easier on the eyes than your monitor screen. I hope to be able to purchase one of these this year, hopefully before Christmas and before a kindle3 comes out. Oh yeah, to read the above without eye strain, enlarge the picture by a single click.

Fan Photo from Billy Ribitts

Many thanks and seven thousand dollars to Billy Ribitts for finding this rare edition in his own collection.

Johnny Yuma WAS a Rebel

Fan Photo from Yemen Lemmon

A special thanks to Mr. Yemen Lemmon for locating this old issue of the Smithsonian. This magazine features the final recorded page of Cotton Adams journal, a rare issue for collectors. Yemen expect your check for $8,745 to arrive soon. That's for emailing me the photo. I am also sending you all of John Owens works as a token of my appreciation for your research.

Time to Reboot - Fan Photo from Weeble Fetzer

Thanks to Mr. Weeble Fetzer of Brightenoggin, England for discovering this recent advertisement that ran in the Brightenoggin News last Friday. I appreciate the find and will be sending you a check for ten thousand dollars, tax free. I feel it is the least I can do.

Deep Thoughts by Cotton Adams

The Journal of Cotton Adams #27

May 7, 1740

One of the books I carry with me is Facets of Grace by Edward Eddington. Here is a quote I want you to remember as I relate to you the time I met John Chapman, or as most folk know him, Johnny Appleseed.
"When one's belief is defined it is doctrine. But it is only Biblical doctrine if it is in total harmony with the whole counsel of God."

As I recall, it was a cool, clear night. I had been in the saddle for hours and was thinking about bedding down for the night when I spotted a fire flickering in a clearing up ahead. As is my practice, I began singing "Amazing Grace" so as not to alarm whomever I am approaching, and to let them know I am a man who loves the Lord. I could smell meat being roasted and the scent of apple cider in the air.

"Ho brother! Come sit a spell! I was praying for some company and for someone to share this meal with. I guess you are the answer to BOTH prayers!"
The man who spoke was extremely thin with gray hair and beard down to his belly. His voice was surprisingly high-pitched for his stature. His clothes were tattered and his feet were bare as the day he was born.
"The name's John...John Chapman. Some people call me Apple Jack, but mostly I am known as Johnny Appleseed."
"I am pleased to meet you. My name is Cotton Adams. I am a circuit riding Doctrines of Grace preacher."
"Well, I'll be pickled! I'm a missionary with the Church of the New Jerusalem. I don't like to kill animals but, this was self-defense. Hope you like bob-cat and 'taters."
"Well, thanks but I'm not hungry. I will take a cup of your apple cider though."
We continued small talk for a while. He told me of his planting millions of apple seeds everywhere he went, and about his celibacy and charity work in each town he visits. I was eager to find out if this man really knew the Lord.
"Tell me about this church you mentioned." I said, drinking down my third cup.
"It was started by Emanuel Swedenborg. And we preach news right fresh from Heaven! He has written a third testament that adds present revelation from God to the Bible. It says if you don't get married here on earth, you can have two wives in Heaven!"
I had read some of Swedenborg's works but I let Johnny continue.
"That ol' Emanuel fella, he has visited Heaven and Hell many times. He wrote all about his visions, dreams and experiences and I believe him!"
"Mr. Chapman, I have actually read his book on his mystical journeys and it is structured exactly like Dante's "The Divine Comedy".
"So what! Maybe this Dante fella stole it from Swedenborg!"
"That's hardly possible since Dante was born in 1265 A.D.!" I stated emphatically.
"Well, then I would have to say that Dante made the same journey! Thus verifying Swedenborg."
"I can see you refuse to see the heresy in front of your face. You need to listen to God's Word and forsake Emanuel's teaching and repent and embrace Immanuel, The Lord of Glory! Sin has made you rotten to the core, Johnny Appleseed. And the confusion you spread will wilt and die like the tree Jesus cursed. Be assured of this one thing. Those elected to salvation are the apple of God's eye. You are a prisoner of the Devil himself. I can only pray God plants HIS seed in the soil of your soul. Only time and eternity will tell. I thank you kindly for the cider. Please consider what I have said. Swedenborg will split Hell wide open and all who follow him will end up in the same place."

With that I mounted my horse and rode off. By the time I reached the next town, I had my sermon outline:

Adam's Apple - The fall of the first Adam and the triumph of the last Adam
(I changed the TULIP to APPLE)

All born through Adam are totally depraved
Predestined election is God's choice, not mine
Particular Redemption never failing
Love and grace of God creates love for God by grace
Everyone born of God is preserved for Heaven

The Journal of Cotton Adams #26

October 23, 1739

I took horse at half past three. There was no moon or stars, but a fog so thick that I could see neither road nor rock. I was headed for Bad Manors, a town with a reputation for it's lack of hospitality. The fog quickly vanished as I drew nigh to Bad Manors revealing the dawning of a new day.
As I approached a fork in the road, the mist fell again on every side, blinding me and my horse as well. Because of this, Calico, my faithful steed, stepped on the fork and injured the tender part of his hoof. The pain caused him to throw me into a watery bog and I was covered from head to toe with a putrid layer of mud and vegetation. Thanking God all the while for what could have been a deadly fall on sharp rocks, or a rattlesnake bite instead of a carelessly thrown eating utensil.
I took Calico's reins and walked him into town. After bandaging his foot at the livery stable, I left to find a room and clean myself up. I was scheduled to preach in the evening at the only evangelical church in town.
True to the town's reputation, the innkeeper was extremely rude and rather brash. I took much abuse before I even registered my name. I could take no more when he said with a scowl, "If I had a son who was an idiot, I would make him a preacher!"
"Evidently, your father," I replied, "was of a different opinion."
I picked up my saddlebags and went upstairs.
Feeling more guilty by the minute for my remark, I went back sometime later to apologize to the innkeeper, only to find someone else in his stead.
"Where is the gentleman who was here a few hours ago?"
"They rushed him to the doctor because he discovered he had another mouth to feed!" said the bald-headed man without looking up from his book.
"That doesn't make sense," I stated.
"It does if you have a tapeworm!"
I returned to my room to pray for his well being.
Coincidentally, my sermon tonight is entitled, "Hell - the place where the worm dieth not."