Burn and Turn

Arminian Antics #4

I publish these Arminian blog pages here so no one can accuse me of not being fair-minded and benevolent toward by brothers and sisters of another viewpoint.

The Journal of Cotton Adams # 9

To his brother Clay, then a student at Yale college, New Haven.

Dear brother Clay, April 30, 1739.

I should tell you, "I long to see you," but that my own experience has taught me, there is no happiness, and plenary satisfaction to be enjoyed, in earthly friends, though ever so near and dear, or in any enjoyment, that is not God himself. Therefore, if the God of all grace would be pleased graciously to afford us each his presence and grace, that we may perform the work, and endure the trials he calls us to, in a most distressing tiresome wilderness where I am satisfied with but the memory of you. I also seem to remember you owe me twenty dollars.

I traverse in the most lonely melancholy desert, about ten miles from Motown, Kentucky; for the pending storm always makes me feel this way. I am now boarding with a poor Scotchman, Bagpipes McGee. His wife can talk scarce any English but, she plays the banjo like a monkey on a piano. Their home is very tidy and the lizards help keep the insect population to a minimum.

My diet consists mostly of hasty pudding, sunflower seeds and bread baked in the shape of a sundial. (If it gets cooked too long, they use it to tell time.) Sometimes I get a craving for an entire chicken and a basket of fries, a watermelon, a coconut pie and a pound of cheese.

I took time off from my circuit riding to catch up on my studies, sermon preparations and letter writing. I have prepared a sermon dealing with the pale horse in the book of Revelation who has power over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. I call it, "A One Horse Open Slay".

As I was in prayer just now, I realized you do not owe me twenty dollars. You owe me twenty five!

I remain,

Your affectionate brother,

Cotton Adams

Baklava Koos Koos #4

I was riding my camel, Mazel Tov, when a thick fog surrounded me. I heard a voice from behind call my name. I turned and saw no one. As I dismounted, I saw a glowing man standing in the middle of two trees. When he spoke, I felt the hair on my arms stand up as if to listen.

"Baklava…Baklava Koos Koos…I am Philius, the angel of thick fog. Do not be afraid. I have come to give you EIGHT Clues that contain an important message. Interpret the hidden command correctly, and you will receive a brand new camel saddle complete with multi-colored blankets and an monogrammed water bottle made from the skin of the Saiga Antelope.

Wigs are nothing but false hoods...avoid them throughout your life.

Adam was the first person singular. The first thing he planted in the Garden of Eden was his feet.

Shadows are the only things that never cast a shadow.

Hay is grass ala mowed.

Fires make light of everything.

Eve was a wonderful first mate who kept her husband in stitches.

Eyes, if blackened by an enemy, are nothing but a pair of socks.

The mosquito is a small insect designed by God to make us think better of the fly.

You have the clues in front of your eyes
You may need help from some who are wise."

I figured this out within minutes. I know the answer...my problem is how do I interpret the meaning?
Can anyone help me with this?