Arminian Antics #4

I publish these Arminian blog pages here so no one can accuse me of not being fair-minded and benevolent toward by brothers and sisters of another viewpoint.

Baklava Koos Koos #12

I knew, when I arrived at the tent of Baba Ganoush, that something was wrong. There was music playing, from a stringed instrument and a flute, but I could not tell from whence it came. I could hear weeping and mourning coming from inside. When I went to investigate, I found nothing. Not a soul. Not an animal nor a blanket. Deserted. And no sound...until, I stepped outside. This was unnerving, to say the least. But, I am a little used to this kind of thing...being a prophet and all. Still, you never get comfortable with such strange occurrences.

I decided to go back into the tent which was now sounding like it was full of an entire village of mourners. Again, the music ceased and I was left to ponder the meaning. After a few minutes of unresolved thought, I was thirsty and went out to fetch some water from the well. I couldn't believe my eyes! No well, water, no camels, no tent, no palm trees. Nothing but sand and sun.

A meteor slammed into me.

Suddenly, I awoke drenched in sweat and shaking from such a vivid dream. I turned over and spotted an angel standing at the entrance to my tent.

“Tell me angel, what did this dream mean?”

“What makes you think it was a dream, mortal?”

“Well, wasn't it?”

“Yeah, I was just joking with ya,” the angel lifted one hand and spoke again, “Your friend, Baba Ganosh, is no more. His earthly tent no longer houses his memories or soul. He's outta here.”

Saddened by the announcement, and happy for Baba, I asked if the angel could give him a message for me.

“Sure, it would be no problem for me.”

“Tell him that I thought that his last few years as a desert taxidermist were amazing. He really knew his stuff....tell him, that I intend to carve a small replica of him out of wood and carry it with me from now on. I will learn to throw my voice so it appears the replica is talking. I will make its head and mouth move to further enhance the illusion. I will come up with a routine so I can go perform my act wherever I go.”

“Okay, I'll tell him. Be right back,” the angel disappeared and immediately reappeared.

“Baba said, it's not the first time you will put words in his mouth.” Then the angel left for a place called Disneyland.

I will miss my old friend. But I will carry his little replica with me wherever I wander. He will be my little traveling companion...and now I will have an excuse for always talking to myself.

One thing though, I wish I had asked the angel about the meaning of the meteor.

Baklava Koos Koos # 11

Today while contemplating the misery in the world, the effects of Adam's sin and the grief that one act brought about, an angel appeared in a flash of light. It frightened me so that I dove behind my sleeping camel, Humpty.
"Come out of hiding Baklava! I have something to reveal to you!"
His voice was soothing, yet had an authoritative tone like the warm winds of Lebanon.
"Speak what is on your heart and I shall show you the answer," the angel said while adjusting his sleeves.
"What is your name, O Heavenly messenger?"
"My name is Gan-el, now ask your question."
I hesitated a moment, then asked, "I know that in Heaven all will be peace, joy and happiness. But will there ever be a place where they will be found here on earth?"
"I will show you the ONLY place where they can ALWAYS be found. Prepare to travel into the future."
As soon as the angel, Gan-el, placed his hand on my shoulder there was another flash of light and I found myself in a room full of books - not scrolls - but bound in another fashion. You could actually flip the pages. Gan-el said that this place was called Mard-els. The angel handed me a very large volume that had the word, "Dictionary", written in gold on it's black cover.
"This is the only place on earth where peace, joy and happiness can always be found. Examine it and see for yourself!"
I did just that and found his word to be true.
After examining the "Dictionary" for a season, I gave it back to the angel and told him it did not agree with the Sacred Scriptures.
"How so?" asked Gan-el with a puzzled look on his face.
"in this book, pride goeth not before destruction!"
Suddenly, I found myself alone, back at my camel's side and only an echo of laughter fading away into the heavens.
I guess I must have said something funny.

Links Within

For all who know this already...just wait outside while I make this announcement. I don't assume anything with anyone anymore. (I have been slowly learning this blogging thing since November of last year. I should know more, but I don't always care.)

You can click on the words and phrases below and it will give you all the series or similar postings the key word registers. For the Tulip and Grenade cartoons, click on "grenade", for The Journal of Cotton Adams, click on "cotton adams", etc.

Go ahead, try it. When I get time, I will try and improve on these. Thanks for listening.

The staff of Calvinistic Cartoons (which consists of one)

This photo has nothing to do with anything, really...

it's just interesting, thas all.

...and now, after testing it myself, I realize that THIS post will be in every one of the words and phrases I used below. I am a doofus.

Let me mention while I am at it, that the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT will be posted here next week. Lord willing. Stay tuned and please drive carefully.

Baklava Koos Koos #10

As I sat down near the Bridge of Hominy at the outskirts of the town of Chutzpenik, my old friend, Hahmina-Hahmina Ben-Loafen, walked up to me with a look of wonder plastered on his face. I may have mentioned before that we attended the School of Prophets together, back in the day.
"Please, Baklava, interpret my dream! I do not understand what it means! I cannot get it out of my mind!"
"God willing, my friend, tell me what you have seen in your sleep," I said as I bit off a piece of meat from a roasted turkey leg.
"I met a little man in my dream. He said his name was Ephod Ben Hosen. He wanted me to meet his twin daughters. When I asked their names, he laughed.
"My daughters were womb-mates. Their names are Urim and Thummim. They have certain "gifts" and can impart them to whomever they please. Come with me." He laughed again and opened a door that suddenly appeared. He stepped through the door and motioned for me to follow.
"Do they possess the gift of prophecy?" I asked.
"No." He said and continued to walk up a hill.
I could see a small cottage in the distance.
"Do they have the gift of healing?"
"No."
"How about the gift of knowledge...do they have that?"
"You'll find out what kind of gifts soon enough...now pick up your speed!"
When we arrived at the cottage, Urim and Thummim came out, each with a colorful bag.
They were very beautiful and I could hardly speak because of the uphill climb.
"Here is a gift from my sister and a gift from me", they both said simultaneously, "Open them now."
In each bag was a plastic container used in households to contain food and keep it airtight. They said each container had a "burping seal" to insure that the food was locked safely away.
"I don't even know what "plastic" is, Baklava...can you interpret this dream for me?"
I looked Hahmina-Hahmina straight in the eyes, put my hand on his shoulder and said, "No, I have no idea."
I told my friend I would get back to him later. I am hoping someone out there has an interpretation.
Do you know what his odd dream could mean?

Baklava Koos Koos #9

As I approached the water well in the middle of the town of Basmati, an old friend came running up to me with a look of fear in his eyes. His name was Hahmina-Hahmina Ben-Loafen. We attended the School of Prophets together when we were young.
"Please, Baklava, interpret my dream! I do not understand what it means!"
"Calm down, my friend, and tell me what you have seen in your sleep," I said as earnest as I could manage.
"I was standing by the Falafel River, and behold, there came up out of the Falafel River, five cows attractive and plump, and they fed in the reed grass. And behold, five other cows, ugly and thin, came up out of the Falafel River after them, and stood by the other cows on the bank of the Falafel. And the ugly, thin cows ate up the seven attractive, plump cows. Then I awoke in a cold sweat. Please tell me, what does this mean?"
I paused for a moment to take in this strange revelation my friend had been given.
"There is only one thing this could mean . . . your cattle will become cannibalistic by tomorrow if we don't kill them and eat them tonight!"
I know the towns people were happy as we sat around that evening enjoying the steaks and ribs my old friend had provided...and, that night, Hahmina-Hahmina slept like a baby.

Mayhem

Baklava Koos Koos #8

I awoke to the sound of cattle lowing. Yawning like a lion, I stretched my arms upwards and outwards. Looking over the meadow, as the sun was peeking from it's dark cover, I saw a man chopping up the fallow ground with a hoe in the distance. Not knowing who this stranger was, I started walking toward him.

"Shalom, my friend!" I yelled, "Are you a laborer hired by my cousin, Farfel? He owns this section of land you know."

I was not more than twenty feet of this tall fellow when I noticed tulips sprouting up at an unbelievable pace. By the time I was near him, an entire garden of tulips, tomatoes and turnips had grown up and fully ripened.
It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed.

"Sir, who are you? What kind of man does these things?"

My eyes must have revealed my astonishment.
"Baklava Koos Koos, I am not now nor have ever been a man…and this garden is for you."
Then I realized the truth as I sat down and began eating a juicy red tomato.

Yes, I knew then that this was my Gardening Angel.

Baklava Koos Koos #7

In the thirtieth year, in the fifth month, on the second day, during the seventh hour, while I was with King Donovan, by the Caloric River in the land of the Cellulites, I saw an angel pick up a chunk of land the size of Petra and throw it into the sun!

"Why do you do this O' mighty angel?" I asked.
"Just keep moving humanite and don't ask questions." He said as he lifted yet another parcel of earth, "I've got my orders."
King Donovan held up his arms and shouted,
"I will give the orders around here! You will give Baklava the answ..."
With blinding speed the King was propelled into the middle of the Caloric River!

The angel turned to me and said, "He will eat grass, like a spotted goat, for the next six weeks. When he regains his sanity, tell him his throne will be eaten by termites and his golden locks will wither like a dead blossom in Lebanon."

"YOU tell him! I've got vacation plans!"

Before my words had ended, I felt myself taken up, as an eagle carries a carp, and dropped into the very same river!
The King and I swam to the opposite bank and watched as a valley was created by that industrious angel. Then the angel made what he called, a "parking lot" for horses and camels.
Two months later, King Donovan and I visited that valley once again. It was a beautiful sight to behold...and they now had "valley parking!"

Baklava Koos Koos #6

Okay...ya gotta click on the picture...don't try to read this without enlarging it! You don't want to damage your eye sockets!

Baklava Koos Koos #5

I was washing my feet in the murky waters of the Kuru River when I fell into a deep sleep. I found myself in a large, empty room with no roof, that seemed to be suspended in the clouds. Suddenly, there appeared in the center of the room, an earthen bowl with letters floating in broth. The letters spelled out the name, "Razzendahcuben". A door swirled into view and an angel stepped through with an immense, short-handled mallet. He spoke in a melodious whisper.

"This is for you Baklava Koos Koos".

Then he pointed to a box with several holes on the surface.

"Try and hit as many gophers as you can!"

Then, one by one, gopher-like dolls popped up only to descend again. I managed to hit thirty two out of forty (the number of testing). Lights starting flashing, bells rang out, little bits of multi-colored parchment burst from on high and floated down on my humble frame.

The angel pulled back a curtain that appeared out of nowhere revealing a horse.

"This is your prize! You have won an oats-mobile."

I awoke from my sleep and wept…for I had no prize…and my sandals were missing.

I think I might need some help in the interpretation. Do YOU have the ability to interpret dreams?

Baklava Koos Koos #4

I was riding my camel, Mazel Tov, when a thick fog surrounded me. I heard a voice from behind call my name. I turned and saw no one. As I dismounted, I saw a glowing man standing in the middle of two trees. When he spoke, I felt the hair on my arms stand up as if to listen.

"Baklava…Baklava Koos Koos…I am Philius, the angel of thick fog. Do not be afraid. I have come to give you EIGHT Clues that contain an important message. Interpret the hidden command correctly, and you will receive a brand new camel saddle complete with multi-colored blankets and an monogrammed water bottle made from the skin of the Saiga Antelope.

Wigs are nothing but false hoods...avoid them throughout your life.

Adam was the first person singular. The first thing he planted in the Garden of Eden was his feet.

Shadows are the only things that never cast a shadow.

Hay is grass ala mowed.

Fires make light of everything.

Eve was a wonderful first mate who kept her husband in stitches.

Eyes, if blackened by an enemy, are nothing but a pair of socks.

The mosquito is a small insect designed by God to make us think better of the fly.

You have the clues in front of your eyes
You may need help from some who are wise."

I figured this out within minutes. I know the answer...my problem is how do I interpret the meaning?
Can anyone help me with this?

Baklava Koos Koos # 3

I was floating peacefully on my back, down the River of Rhodan, when a voice came from a small cloud overhead:

"Memorize what I will tell you, then gargle with fresh salt water and the oil of Hyssop. When the next full moon occurs, you will find an albino camel drinking from the Marsh of Medeba. Buy it from the owner, a Bedouin by the name of Tobakki. In fact, buy the whole pack of camels. When you arrive at the Village of Valkilmer, sell them to a local merchant for twice the price. Then you will have enough moola to donate half to the School of Prophets and half to the non-prophet organization known as The Samsonites. You keep ten percent of the gross and buy yourself a new robe…or, at least, clean the one you have for crying out loud! I'll get back to you later...I gotta travel to the planet Mongo for a conference. Peace out."

Baklava Koos Koos #2

HEY! It's a lot easier to read when you click on Baklava!

Baklava Koos Koos #1

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
And don't forget to click on the picture for a better image!

JOIN NOW and keep me out of the ER

Last night I had a dream that I was dreaming about a vision of an Old Testament prophet that didn't make it into the Book. He was the prophet, Baklava Koos Koos, and he showed me a sign. It looked a lot like a "Yield Right of Way" sign but, it had written on it: "30 members by the end of December or UR in ER." Then he hit me on the head with a polo mallet and I awoke in a cold sweat!
I took this to mean that if I do not have 30 followers by the end of the year, I will somehow end up in the Emergency Room at Presbyterian Hospital.
I realize I had eaten some spicy chicken wings, a large pepperoni pizza, popcorn and a bowl of banana puddin' but, this dream haunts me even now...a mere five minutes later. So I decided to post this plea. If my dream goal of at least 30 doesn't happen...I will be writing this, as of January 1st, from the Medical Center in McKinney, Texas.
Of course, there might be a different "interpretation". If anyone can think of one, let me know so I can get some sleep tonight! I thank thee.