It Could Happen...

Arminian Antics #49

Forgotten Cults #3

Kevin the Prophet

Kevin Moonbeam Davis, otherwise known as Kevin the Prophet, started preached his odd doctrine of santification in 1936 at the world's first washeteria.

His belief that sinners should be "cleaned by a washing machine" and his vision of the future where the earth's inhabitants will be nothing but floating brains, gave the cult it's name, "The Brain Washers".

Kevin also taught that hiccups were a sign of demon possession and the only way to exoricise the demonic spirit was to stop, drop and roll.
The Brain Washers were known for going door to door, in pairs, and handing out bars of lye soap shaped like tiny brains. Once invited inside the home, they would pretend to drop dead and come back to life.
"Clean the unseen to maintain the brain" was their mantra.
Kevin claimed to have been raised by wolves and would eat dog food for breakfast on special occasions.
"Wolves are very clean animals", he would say to reporters, "they always kept their caves tidy and neat. And when we traveled, we always used anti-bacterial soap to wash our paws before chowin' down on a deer or armadillo."
"When I saw my first washing machine, I heard the voice of an angel tell me to stick my head in and wash away all my troubles. I was never the same after that. I knew my mission in life. It was filled with suds. Suds of cleansing. Suds of power. Suds of love."
Kevin the Prophet was struck by lightning one night as he was laundering money in a washeteria near San Jose.
All of his followers blended into the Emerging Church movement and were never seen again.

Baklava Koos Koos #12

I knew, when I arrived at the tent of Baba Ganoush, that something was wrong. There was music playing, from a stringed instrument and a flute, but I could not tell from whence it came. I could hear weeping and mourning coming from inside. When I went to investigate, I found nothing. Not a soul. Not an animal nor a blanket. Deserted. And no sound...until, I stepped outside. This was unnerving, to say the least. But, I am a little used to this kind of thing...being a prophet and all. Still, you never get comfortable with such strange occurrences.

I decided to go back into the tent which was now sounding like it was full of an entire village of mourners. Again, the music ceased and I was left to ponder the meaning. After a few minutes of unresolved thought, I was thirsty and went out to fetch some water from the well. I couldn't believe my eyes! No well, water, no camels, no tent, no palm trees. Nothing but sand and sun.

A meteor slammed into me.

Suddenly, I awoke drenched in sweat and shaking from such a vivid dream. I turned over and spotted an angel standing at the entrance to my tent.

“Tell me angel, what did this dream mean?”

“What makes you think it was a dream, mortal?”

“Well, wasn't it?”

“Yeah, I was just joking with ya,” the angel lifted one hand and spoke again, “Your friend, Baba Ganosh, is no more. His earthly tent no longer houses his memories or soul. He's outta here.”

Saddened by the announcement, and happy for Baba, I asked if the angel could give him a message for me.

“Sure, it would be no problem for me.”

“Tell him that I thought that his last few years as a desert taxidermist were amazing. He really knew his stuff....tell him, that I intend to carve a small replica of him out of wood and carry it with me from now on. I will learn to throw my voice so it appears the replica is talking. I will make its head and mouth move to further enhance the illusion. I will come up with a routine so I can go perform my act wherever I go.”

“Okay, I'll tell him. Be right back,” the angel disappeared and immediately reappeared.

“Baba said, it's not the first time you will put words in his mouth.” Then the angel left for a place called Disneyland.

I will miss my old friend. But I will carry his little replica with me wherever I wander. He will be my little traveling companion...and now I will have an excuse for always talking to myself.

One thing though, I wish I had asked the angel about the meaning of the meteor.

Baklava Koos Koos # 11

Today while contemplating the misery in the world, the effects of Adam's sin and the grief that one act brought about, an angel appeared in a flash of light. It frightened me so that I dove behind my sleeping camel, Humpty.
"Come out of hiding Baklava! I have something to reveal to you!"
His voice was soothing, yet had an authoritative tone like the warm winds of Lebanon.
"Speak what is on your heart and I shall show you the answer," the angel said while adjusting his sleeves.
"What is your name, O Heavenly messenger?"
"My name is Gan-el, now ask your question."
I hesitated a moment, then asked, "I know that in Heaven all will be peace, joy and happiness. But will there ever be a place where they will be found here on earth?"
"I will show you the ONLY place where they can ALWAYS be found. Prepare to travel into the future."
As soon as the angel, Gan-el, placed his hand on my shoulder there was another flash of light and I found myself in a room full of books - not scrolls - but bound in another fashion. You could actually flip the pages. Gan-el said that this place was called Mard-els. The angel handed me a very large volume that had the word, "Dictionary", written in gold on it's black cover.
"This is the only place on earth where peace, joy and happiness can always be found. Examine it and see for yourself!"
I did just that and found his word to be true.
After examining the "Dictionary" for a season, I gave it back to the angel and told him it did not agree with the Sacred Scriptures.
"How so?" asked Gan-el with a puzzled look on his face.
"in this book, pride goeth not before destruction!"
Suddenly, I found myself alone, back at my camel's side and only an echo of laughter fading away into the heavens.
I guess I must have said something funny.

Sugary Sweet

To sweeten the view click here!

Baklava Koos Koos #8

I awoke to the sound of cattle lowing. Yawning like a lion, I stretched my arms upwards and outwards. Looking over the meadow, as the sun was peeking from it's dark cover, I saw a man chopping up the fallow ground with a hoe in the distance. Not knowing who this stranger was, I started walking toward him.

"Shalom, my friend!" I yelled, "Are you a laborer hired by my cousin, Farfel? He owns this section of land you know."

I was not more than twenty feet of this tall fellow when I noticed tulips sprouting up at an unbelievable pace. By the time I was near him, an entire garden of tulips, tomatoes and turnips had grown up and fully ripened.
It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed.

"Sir, who are you? What kind of man does these things?"

My eyes must have revealed my astonishment.
"Baklava Koos Koos, I am not now nor have ever been a man…and this garden is for you."
Then I realized the truth as I sat down and began eating a juicy red tomato.

Yes, I knew then that this was my Gardening Angel.

Baklava Koos Koos #7

In the thirtieth year, in the fifth month, on the second day, during the seventh hour, while I was with King Donovan, by the Caloric River in the land of the Cellulites, I saw an angel pick up a chunk of land the size of Petra and throw it into the sun!

"Why do you do this O' mighty angel?" I asked.
"Just keep moving humanite and don't ask questions." He said as he lifted yet another parcel of earth, "I've got my orders."
King Donovan held up his arms and shouted,
"I will give the orders around here! You will give Baklava the answ..."
With blinding speed the King was propelled into the middle of the Caloric River!

The angel turned to me and said, "He will eat grass, like a spotted goat, for the next six weeks. When he regains his sanity, tell him his throne will be eaten by termites and his golden locks will wither like a dead blossom in Lebanon."

"YOU tell him! I've got vacation plans!"

Before my words had ended, I felt myself taken up, as an eagle carries a carp, and dropped into the very same river!
The King and I swam to the opposite bank and watched as a valley was created by that industrious angel. Then the angel made what he called, a "parking lot" for horses and camels.
Two months later, King Donovan and I visited that valley once again. It was a beautiful sight to behold...and they now had "valley parking!"

Baklava Koos Koos #6

Okay...ya gotta click on the picture...don't try to read this without enlarging it! You don't want to damage your eye sockets!

Baklava Koos Koos #5

I was washing my feet in the murky waters of the Kuru River when I fell into a deep sleep. I found myself in a large, empty room with no roof, that seemed to be suspended in the clouds. Suddenly, there appeared in the center of the room, an earthen bowl with letters floating in broth. The letters spelled out the name, "Razzendahcuben". A door swirled into view and an angel stepped through with an immense, short-handled mallet. He spoke in a melodious whisper.

"This is for you Baklava Koos Koos".

Then he pointed to a box with several holes on the surface.

"Try and hit as many gophers as you can!"

Then, one by one, gopher-like dolls popped up only to descend again. I managed to hit thirty two out of forty (the number of testing). Lights starting flashing, bells rang out, little bits of multi-colored parchment burst from on high and floated down on my humble frame.

The angel pulled back a curtain that appeared out of nowhere revealing a horse.

"This is your prize! You have won an oats-mobile."

I awoke from my sleep and wept…for I had no prize…and my sandals were missing.

I think I might need some help in the interpretation. Do YOU have the ability to interpret dreams?

Baklava Koos Koos #4

I was riding my camel, Mazel Tov, when a thick fog surrounded me. I heard a voice from behind call my name. I turned and saw no one. As I dismounted, I saw a glowing man standing in the middle of two trees. When he spoke, I felt the hair on my arms stand up as if to listen.

"Baklava…Baklava Koos Koos…I am Philius, the angel of thick fog. Do not be afraid. I have come to give you EIGHT Clues that contain an important message. Interpret the hidden command correctly, and you will receive a brand new camel saddle complete with multi-colored blankets and an monogrammed water bottle made from the skin of the Saiga Antelope.

Wigs are nothing but false hoods...avoid them throughout your life.

Adam was the first person singular. The first thing he planted in the Garden of Eden was his feet.

Shadows are the only things that never cast a shadow.

Hay is grass ala mowed.

Fires make light of everything.

Eve was a wonderful first mate who kept her husband in stitches.

Eyes, if blackened by an enemy, are nothing but a pair of socks.

The mosquito is a small insect designed by God to make us think better of the fly.

You have the clues in front of your eyes
You may need help from some who are wise."

I figured this out within minutes. I know the answer...my problem is how do I interpret the meaning?
Can anyone help me with this?

Baklava Koos Koos #2

HEY! It's a lot easier to read when you click on Baklava!

Baklava Koos Koos #1

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
And don't forget to click on the picture for a better image!