DNA Coffee for Atheists

DNA Agenda

Everyone knows that DNA is an acronym for the National Dyslexic Association, but it is also the acronym for the Double Negative Arminians, an organization Finney Finney started in 2007. Their agenda is to wipe out all Calvinistic humor and satire.

"We don't want nothing but Arminian humor, which is a product of human free will and human effort," Finney Finney told Moody Monthly. "We hardly have none to speak of, but we cherish it as a toad frog cherishes a lily pad."

"I noticed, before I left Kuwait, that we had 204 "followers". Today it is 203", Eddie Eddings told the Wall Street Journal. 

"I take credit for that," Finney said. "There is hardly no worse challenge than convincing a follower of C.C. to drop his membership and join A.A."

Benny Finney, the blogger/movie director, told the Laodician Journal that he will be writing letters to all members of C.C. and offering a free month of Showtime if they will cancel their membership.

Eddie Uncovers the Truth in Hong Kong

I have decided to spare you all the scientific details. Let's just say it involved DNA, a box of Spurgeon cigars, a broken Slim Whitefield record and a single tile from an Emergent Scrabble game. After an intensive forty five minutes, I discovered that Ping Wu, who I thought to be a loyal fan, was in reality a double agent! And I awarded him $10,000 for a photo he had sent. He may be traveling under the name of one of his many aliases: Ling Hu, Ming Tu, Wing Mu, Sing Pu or Opie Taylor. His real name is Satchmo Crockett, a known anti-Calvinist.
I will be heading back to Kuwait now that I know the truth. It's been quite a day.