A Letter from Placebo Belkins

This package came in from the U.S. yesterday from a Dr. Placebo Belkins. Included in the envelope were some DVD's of Belkins lecturing at Yale. (not the university - the Yale Lock and Hardware Company) Here is part of the three page letter sent:

Dear Mr. Eddings,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I am interested in becoming a writer for your blog. As you can see by the printed copies of my certifications, I am more than qualified to direct your funny little blog into a more focused theological one. I hear you are leaving for the States this summer. I would like to suggest you hire me for the three months in which you'll be traveling. I happen to know you will be visiting Houston, Dallas, Durango and London, England.

I am willing to work for half my normal fee of $200 a day. I promise more readers, more followers, more comments, more pizzazz and more solid content. It's easy to see your days are numbered. You can't keep this up forever. Take a mental vacation and let me take over the writing for the months of June, July and August. You won't be sorry.

Waiting for your response,

Dr. Placebo Belkins

P.S. There is no tracking device in this envelope.

When I finished reading the letter, I began to put everything back in the large envelope. That's when I noticed...inside the package - glued to the bottom - was a tracking device with the initials N.P. written on the top. The only N.P. I know of, besides Natalie Portman, is Nigel Pettibone! This was a trap! I have destroyed the package and it's contents. Hope it wasn't too late.

  

Arminian Antics #94

C is for Cookie

...that's good enough for me

Another Letter from Buster Limburger

Brother Eddie,

Jake Herman's comment touched my heart...yea, my very soul. I need to repent (I said "need to") and would love for someone to present a list of "crazy" Arminians and "crazy" Calvinists so I can compare and see who would be the easiest to convince of my talent. I want to become part of the "Circus" of Churches and a list like that would give me access to many gulli...I mean sincere believers who have plenty of cash.

If anyone makes a comparative listing I just might send them a brand new twenty dollar bill...I said "might".

Your man in straw,

Buster

A Letter from Buster Limburger

Dear Calvinistic Cartoons,

I want to file a complaint...not about your blog, but against Benny Finney and his Arminian Antics! I had auditioned for the role of AA icon a few weeks ago. I memorized, not only John 3:16, but 1 John 3:16 as well. I made my own costume - I call it "Straw Man" and sang the National Anthem while juggling chain saws and torches. I lost out to Babs Gouda by one vote.

I demanded a recount, but because there were only 3 votes to begin with, Mr. Finney said, "No". 

Mr. Eddings, I have worked hard at being the best icon I could be. I previously worked at Taco Bell as a giant chihuahua icon who stood on the corner and pointed to the restaurant when a car passed by. I think I deserve this privilege more than Miss Fancy Pants. 

If you know of any other blogs...and I really don't care if they are Arminian or Calvinistic...would you please let me know? There might be a nice five dollar bill sent your way if I hear something in the next 48 hours....(remember, I said "might").

Your could-be-icon,

Buster Limburger