Short Story Challenge for Writers

I need a short short story, prose or poem using this illustration as the subject. Yes, that is me behind the helmet and Corky Velveeta in the landscape (...or is it?). The story chosen will be written in the white space within the illustration. The black space will hold the title and author's name. I can increase the white space for the copy but don't make it too long. Creativity, brevity and impact are the key ingredients. The winning story will be published separately on May 30, 2012. Thanks everyone, and have fun!

The winner will have an asteroid in the Pinwheel Galaxy named after them!

The runners up will have half an asteroid named after them from the Howdy Doody Galaxy!

The absolute worst story (which we will never mention) will have a cubic inch of space given to them from the Garbage Dump Galaxy in sector 873!

The Top Ten in Rhyme

The Ten Commandments in Rhyme

1. Thou no gods shalt have but Me.
2. Before no idol bow the knee.
3. Take not the name of God in vain.
4. Dare not the sabbath day profane.
5. Give to thy parents honor due.
6. Take heed that thou no murder do.
7. Abstain from words and deeds unclean.
8. Steal not, for thou by God art seen.
9. Tell no willful lie and love it.
10. What is thy neighbors do not covet.

And the New King James Version:

1. You should have no gods but Me.
2. Before no idol bow your knee.
3. Don't take the name of God in vain.
4. Don't dare the sabbath day profane.
5. Give to your parents the honor due.
6. Take heed that you don't murder too.
7. Refrain from words and deeds unclean.
8. Don't steal, for you by God are seen.
9. Tell no willful lie and love it.
10. What is your neighbors do not covet.

Arminian Antics #64

Piranha and Kin

Oh, gentle Piranha
With mouth open wide
In your waters
There's no place to hide
Bite me on the foot
Bite me on the hand
In a matter of seconds I'll be butchered like a dead cow at a hyena convention

Oh, gentle heretic

With mouth open wide

In your waters

There is poison with each tide

Looking for a victim

Looking for your prey

You should look both ways before crossing the street

'Cause you're about to be hit by a mega-ton eighteen-wheeler with a five-point engine, Calvinistic style.

Arminian Antics #57

Calvinistic Cartoons Poetry Corner #2

Arminian Antics #41

Warming Up

Calvinistic Cartoons Poetry Corner

Write for Christmas

Here is a little ditty I wrote in December of 2008.

I hope this inspires you to write one yourself.

Make it your wish list or just a funny list.

Just stay on key...please...and if 

your voice warbles...

don't sing.

12 Days of Christmas (revised)

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS,
MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME
TWELVE COMMENTARIES,
ELEVEN CHRISTIAN MAGNETS,
TEN CD'S PLAYING,
NINE KINKADE PAINTINGS,
EIGHT MAPS OF JOPPA,
SEVEN BOOKS BY CALVIN,
SIX SPURGEON SERMONS,
FIVE... TU-LIP... RINGS,
FOUR CHRISTIAN MINTS,
THREE PINK BOOKS,
TWO BIBLE CUPS,
AND A COPY OF THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD!

Longfellow Poem Discovered

Here is a poem recently discovered in an old book at 

the Library of Congress by Nakoma Linkletter.

 

The Song of Finneyhaha

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

   On the shores of Gitche Gumee, 
by the crazy tent revival, 
Stood Charlie, the old preacher, 
Pointing with his finger westward, 
O'er the people pointing westward, 
To the purple clouds of sunset.
    Fiercely the red sun descending 
Burned his way along the heavens, 
Set the sky on fire behind him, 
As he posed with eyes a gleaming, 
   "I can create my own revivals, 
With repentance if I choose to, 
It's all about mathematics, 
Heaven blessed and automatic". 
So said Charlie while the sun set, 
With its glare upon his features.

Arminian Antics #27

Ode to Computer Generated Spurgeon

F.L.A.G.

Some members of the John 3:16 Conference have joined together to form a new political group known as F.L.A.G. (For Land And God). The team includes Dr. Jury Vines, Dr. Rich Landowner, Dr. Doolittle, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard and Dr. Doom.
The goal is to examine every country's flag and determine if they should be recognized as "true flags" and if they are worthy to fly over the U.N. building.
Their first official meeting will be on Flag Day (June 14) of 2010, although they have already decided that the flag of Greece be passed with flying colors.
"When I see some flags, red flags pop up in my head", said Dr. Rich Landowner.
When asked if he had ever been to the Holy Land, Dr. Landowner stated that he had actually lived in Dallas, Texas for many many years.
"People think we hate Calvinists", Dr. Jury Vines said while eating an Arminian baloney sandwich, "but, that is just not true. Does the peacock hate the lowly sparrow? Does the Prince of Wales hate the bed mite? Does the King of the Jungle hate the ivory poachers...I am speaking of Tarzan, of course. Nay, nay, I say and I have written a short poem to prove it. It goes like this:

I do not hate the evil man
Who lives a life of ease
I do not hate a scorpion
Who stings me on my knees
I just have to smack 'em down
Smack 'em hard and true
For I am just a humble man
Who knows what I have to do.

Thank you.
See you at the poles!"

The Journal of Cotton Adams #17

August 30, 1739

After eating venison jerky for six days, it was with great praise that one farmer invited me in his home for a large meal of corn, cabbage and beans well greased with fat bacon. His name was Homer Leeds and after dinner he revealed that he was a poet of sorts. Without seeing even one poem, I promised to give them to the first newspaper editor I meet on my journey. It was the least I could do for a man who had hopes of improving his family financial situation with his literary talent. As I waved goodbye and rode off westward, my curiosity got the best of me, and I started reading his poetry. I am afraid his works may never see print, except here, in my journal. All of his poems were lacking in skill, most written unintelligibly. Here is the only one I could permit a hearing (yet I will keep my word):

Hey Mr. Preacher Man

by Homer Leeds

Day-o, Day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Work all night on a tulip farm
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Planting tulips till the mornin' come
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Hey, Mister preacher man, preach me some election
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Hey, Mister preacher, what's the tulip connection?
Daylight come and me wan' go home

It's one point, two point, three point POEM!
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Song and a prayer and we
all go HOME!

Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home

A sermon on Def-in-ite Atone-ment
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Always brings us a Heaven-ly moment
Daylight come and me wan' go home

It's one point, two point, three point POEM!
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Off-er-ing then we speed on HOME!

Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Daylight commmme and me wannnn goooo hooooome.

Sounds more like a song than a poem to me. I am on my way to Possum Trot. Hope to reach it before the storm.

Jonah Crabby Prophet

There is a crab named the Jonah Crab. Like the Biblical prophet, the rock-hard crab is hardened to all external influences and must be forced to "obey". Here is a little poem about the prophet...not the crab.

Jonah - The Hardshell Prophet
By Eddie Eddings

God said "Go!"
Jonah said "NO!"
It was westward ho for angry Joe.
God made a storm blow
So the sailors would throw
Ol' so and so in the H20
Po' Joe sinko below
His ego swallowed by a giant minnow!

After three days...vomited on the beach
The gastric acid gave his skin the bleach
Uncle "Whitey" learns a lesson and is ready to preach!

"In 40 days - and God is prompt
This wicked city will get stomped!"
Then the pouting prophet with much agitation
Sat outside the city among the vegetation.

His expectation
Of a manifestation
Of Divine condemnation
On this Assyrian population came and went.
Jonah resented
When God relented
After the Ninevites repented

He wanted God to be cross!
He wanted to see blood!
He wanted God to nail them now!

...if he only trusted God for the
When and where
He might have understood the
Who and the how!

Not The Odyssey But "Theodicy"

Here is a poem, of sorts, that I handed in years ago, for extra credit in my Minor Prophets class:

Not the Odyssey but "Theodicy"

by Eddie Eddings

Habakkuk the Embracer
Clung to God with his two questions:

Had God vacated His throne?

Should I order my tombstone?

All this violence and contention

Within Judah I might mention.

It seems that justice and devotion

Took a trip across the ocean!

God answers, Judah will be punished

Observe and wonder, be astonished

For I am raising up Chaldeans

Big, bad, ugly human be-uns.

So get this vision little Hab

You can put it on my tab

Sin always carries a heavy price.

I'll crush Babylon like a bag of ice.

Woe, Woe, Woe your boat

Gently down the stream

Return to me with all your heart

I've promised to redeem.

So live by faith and you will see

I've never been an absentee;

The Chaldeans were never fancy-free

I used them like an employee.

They're not getting out of this scot-free

When I "cross my heart" it's a guarantee

So you can have a Jubilee!

P.S. someday I will visit Galilee

My Son will hang upon a tree

That's when you'll really be set free!